


'Cause If I'm Being Honest I Ain't Over You Yet

by orphan_account



Series: Richie Is Gone [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: (he isn't in this tho vv sorry for that), Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, M/M, Mutual Pining, Swearing, also, also this is my first work so like sorry??, and going off to college, at least Georgie is still alive amirite???, because fuck that guy, because richie, but they're too oblivious and dumb, came up with this while getting ready for school, like its probs rlly bad, no pennywise, slight benverly - Freeform, this is kinda just sad im sorry, well they're all 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 03:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12855876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Richie Tozier just needs to get out of Derry and leaves everything, except for a collection of mixtapes for Eddie, behind._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________“Eddie…”, he whispers softly, pulling the smaller one into a soft embrace. This is their moment, just Richie and Eddie (but never RichieandEddie), something unspoken between them that neither of them dares to bring up, something that even the other Losers sense as they share a knowing look. “Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry Eds.”“It’s okay, Rich”, he sniffles. “We’ll see each other again.” Then, a small box is pressed into his hands, something on the inside clattering.“Open it when you’re home, okay?”, Richie looks at him, something in his expression that Eddie can’t quite grasp yet.(Title inspiration: 'Too Much To Ask' by Niall Horan)





	'Cause If I'm Being Honest I Ain't Over You Yet

**Author's Note:**

> Heya!  
> So this is actually my first work on AO3 and it is part 1 of the 4-part series called The "Richie Is Gone" Series. There's also a playlist (or like, a listing of songs rather) for one mixtape in particular that Richie has made, at the beginning.  
> So, like, enjoy reading, I actually worked really hard on this and I know almost everyone mentions this in their notes but English isn't my first language so pretty please forgive me for all the mistakes.

** _THE MIXTAPE_ **

 

Track 1: Forever Young - Alphaville

Track 2: Take On Me - a-ha

Track 3: (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew

Track 4: Every Breath You Take - The Police

Track 5: Hello - Lionel Richie

Track 6: Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx

Track 7: Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

Track 8: Africa - Toto

Track 9: With Or Without You - U2

Track 10: Can’t Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon

 

* * *

 

 “Eds, I need to talk to you.”, Richie says, sounding dead serious. They are lying on the smaller boys bed, he is reading comics Richie had brought with him, having his hair played with by the latter.

 

“What’s bothering you, Rich?”, he asks as he puts the comic he was occupying himself with just seconds before, aside and rolls around so he could lie on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, looking up at his best friend. He smiles at him.

 

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” His lips are pressed in a tight line, eyes looking sad behind those big, stupid coke bottle glasses. “I’m going to Australia. You’re the first one I’m telling.” Eddie’s smile falls and it is one of the most heartbreaking moments Richie has witnessed in his pathetic life.

 

“No.”, the smaller one just whispers. 

 

“I’m sorry, but Derry just isn’t for me anymore. I need to get out, see more of the world.” He reaches out to gently caress Eddie’s cheek but his hand is slapped away. 

 

“B-but what about college? We wanted to go to UMaine.” Ever since the two boys befriended each other, their dream was to head off to college together after graduation, Eddie majoring in Management and Richie in Music Performance. “When did you plan this? Why, Richie?”

 

“Eddie, Eds, I…I’ve been planning it all senior year, saving up and shit. First I wanted it to be a 2-month travel all over Australia but now I’m planning on staying at least a year.” The curly-haired boy tries to look anywhere but his best friends sad, disappointed face. “I just…shit you wouldn’t understand me, I’m sorry.”

 

“Go.”, Eddie says, voice barely a whisper. “Get out.”

 

And so Richie does, because he would always do what Eddie tells him. Heck, he could tell him to murder someone and Richie would do it.  _He was just so whipped._

He knows he betrayed him. Eddie had talked about how excited he was for the two of them to go to UMaine together all year, finally getting away from his mum and still having his best friend with him. What Richie doesn’t know is that, while he is packing up his last things that night, Eddie is throwing things around in his room while crying and screaming over his stupid best friend that he was stupid enough to fall in love with the first time he looked at him with those stupid glasses, his stupid curly hair, his stupid freckles and that stupid kind-of-but-not-really smirk he always wore on his stupid pretty face. Eddie decides that this is all just  _stupidstupidstupid_ before he passes out on his bed from all the crying, tears slowly drying on his cheeks.

 

* * *

 

“You are so goddamn stupid.”, Bev says, eyes focused on the road, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. Richie is sitting in the back of her car, Ben is obviously riding shotgun, and he has just told them about his plan, needing to be driven to the airport since he sold his own car. 

 

“I know, Bev, but I need to do this.” He fumbles with the bands on his wrists nervously.

 

“No, what you  _need_ to do is to get your head out of your ass and tell this boy what you feel for him. Not wander of to fucking  _Australia_ !” She is getting upset, Richie can hear it in her voice. He flicks the rubber band harder against his wrist, jaw clenching and unclenching. Was he really doing the right thing? But he is determined. He would do this, even if it hurt him. 

 

“You know how fucked up I am, Bev.”, he just retorts. Ben turns around and gives him a sympathetic look, reaching out to lightly pat his knee. Ben Hanscom never really was a man of words but his small gestures always speak more than a thousand. Richie guesses that this is one of the reasons Bev, and basically everyone else, loves him so much.

 

When they arrive at the airport, Richie goes to stand in the line for his flight to give up his luggage. There isn’t really anyone else waiting anymore because they’ve already left Richie’s place fairly late and of course, Bev and him had to smoke at least one last cigarette together before entering the airport building. 

As he returns to the spot where he had left Ben and Bev, passport and travel documents in his mouth while struggling to zip up his trekking backpack, all the Losers are standing there, including Eddie, who is fiddling with his fingers.

 

“Beverly, Benjamin…What the fuck?”, Richie only gets out before he is tackled into a big group hug. 

 

“’M sorry Rich, but I just had to let them know.”, Ben mumbles against the Trashmouth’s shoulder. They pull away again, mostly because Richie, standing in the middle, was nearly being squished to death.

 

“Yeah, did you seriously think you could go without telling us a single word?”, Mike asks and rolls his eyes. They all laugh and Richie is glad that Ben had called his friends. Just then, his flight gets called and the mood in the group quickly changes. 

 

“Well, time to say goodbye”, he mumbles, sitting his backpack down on the ground. “Michael, c’mere.” He pulls the latter into a bear hug. Then it’s Ben, who has tears welling up in his eyes, the big softie he is, and Richie almost cries, too. He wraps his long, lanky arms around Ben’s now muscular figure, his light scruff scratching at Richie’s face. Bev follows, her strong hold almost suffocating the man and Richie promises to send her loads of postcards and letters and pictures of koalas, kangaroos and the beaches.

 

“Give papa a hug, Big Bill.” Bill bursts into a combination of ugly sobbing and laughing as he embraces the curly-head. 

 

“Y-yuh-you’re suh-such an idiot, Ruh-Richie.” Bill quickly wipes the tears from his cheeks and smiles. Richie let’s go off him with an “I love when you stutter my name, Billy.”

 

“Stanley the Manley!”, he says as he stand with opened arms in front of his best friend- next to Eddie of course, but that was different.

 

“How can you be so annoying even when you’re about to leave us?”, the other curly-head asks dryly but then practically throws himself at Richie. “Promise to take a picture of every bird you see, yeah?”

 

Richie whispers in his ear: “And you promise to finally make a move on Big Bill, ‘kay?” And with that, Stan shoves him off with an eye-roll.

 

And then it’s just Eddie left. And Richie just sorta knew that it would be Eddie. It would always be him. Eddie, who hasn’t said anything to him at all so far and is standing there like a deer caught in the headlights with tears in his beautiful eyes.

 

“Eddie…”, he whispers softly, pulling the smaller one into a soft embrace. This is their moment, just Richie and Eddie (but never RichieandEddie), something unspoken between them that neither of them dares to bring up, something that even the other Losers sense as they share a knowing look. “Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry Eds.”

 

“It’s okay, Rich”, he sniffles. “We’ll see each other again.” Then, a small box is pressed into his hands, something on the inside clattering.

 

“Open it when you’re home, okay?”, Richie looks at him, something in his expression that Eddie can’t quite grasp yet. Richie takes his humongous backpack into his hand as he heads towards his gate but quickly drops it again as he decides to make the boldest move he has ever made. He turns around and sprints toward Eddie, cupping his cheeks and pressing a chaste, quick kiss onto his soft lips. He rests their foreheads against each other, lips brushing as he speaks.

 

“I’ll see you, Spagetthi Man.” 

 

And then, he leaves, for real this time, Eddie’s heart-wrenching sobs behind him.

As Eddie opens the small box at home, he finds casettes, _Mixtapes,_ he thinks, _what else would you expect from Richie fucking Tozier._ Titled with stuff like ’80’s bops’ or ‘What I Listen To When I Feel Blue’ in messy, black writing. One mixtape in particular stood out to him, the title scrawled on in redsharpie. ‘ _What I Need To Tell You’_

 

* * *

 

Eddie spends his whole summer break listening to Richie’s stupid mixtapes, crying his little heart out. The other Losers honestly can’t stand it anymore, Eddie wailing to Radiohead, moping around while The Police is playing or just lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling at Coldplay. The ‘What I Need To Tell You’ mixtape plays particularly often, altough Eddie only ever lasts until Africa by Toto (the song him and Richie shared a dance at prom to) before he can’t stand it anymore and takes it out of the tape player. Bev and Mike always roll their eyes at the small boy, annoyed by how oblivious the small boy is to the meaning of the mixtape. Until one day, Bev decides that she has had enough as she was packing Eddie’s things for college, the aforementioned lying like a corpse on top of his bed, hands folded on his stomach.

 

“Seriously Eddie, have you ever listened to the complete mixtape?”, she groans as she folds his shirts,  _the_ Mixtape playing again, currently on Track 5.

 

“Huh?” He lifts his head to look at the girl.

 

“I asked if you’ve ever proceeded to finish the tape, you know like, listen to the last tracks?” She cocked her eyebrow up at him, quietly humming along to Lionel Richie.

 

“No. It hurts me.”, he answers and pouts. “The lyrics get to me.”

 

“Yeah, maybe you should let them, you dumbo. So you might finally understand what Richie wanted to tell you.” With those words, she puts the folded clothes neatly in Eddie’s suitcase and gathers her belongings. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She leaves with a sigh.

 

Eddie lays his head back down and just listens to the music filling his room. He tenses when Track 8, Africa by Toto, comes on but this time, he doesn’t get up to stop the tape. Next it’s With Or Without You by U2, one of Eddie’s secret faves, and then there’s only Track 10 left. Can’t Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon. And he listens to Bev, tries to listen to the lyrics as intently as possible. 

 

_“What started out as friendship has grown stronger_

_I only wish I had the strength to let it show”_

 

Eddie sighs, he could relate so well to the lyrics. Stan and Richie might have known each other the longest but the bond between Richie and Eddie always felt different, like there’s more. To Bill, Eddie looked up and saw him as a brother and a leader. But in Richie, Eddie saw so much more. Beyond the Trashmouth’s loud and annoying personality, all the bad accents and voices and bad-timed jokes, he saw how caring and lovingly he truly is.

 

Then the song is over but Eddie doesn’t get up, just listening to the crackling sound and then suddenly there’s a voice he knows all too well. 

 

_“I love you, Spagetthi Man.”_

 

Realization hits Eddie as he jumps up from his position on the bed and grabs for his phone on the nightstand, _thank God Bev plucked the charger in last night,_ shaking fingers pressing ‘Trashmouth Tozier’ when he finally finds the name in his contact list. He listens to the dialing tone with his breath hitching in his throat, barely able to hold his phone still.

 

 

 

**_“The number you have reached has been disconnected.”_ **

**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it and I'd really love some feedback, criticism, tipps, etc.!(maybe kudos even?)  
> I'll try my best to get the rest of this series up asap and boiii, y'all are in for a long ride...
> 
> scintillatingstars.tumblr.com <\----- my tumblr if u might wanna talk, i'm vvv lonely


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